Funny Happy Birthday Quotes and Sayings

There are more than ten million birthdays on this planet. I came to yours. You are welcome.

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thank everyone for the birthday wishes and gifts and for those who didn’t do anything, shame on you.

Happy Birthday! Just another year closer to being that crazy cat lady…

It’s never too late to be what you want to be..unless you want to be younger, then you’re screwed.

They are not grey hairs! They are my wisdom highlights! I just happen to be extremely wise!

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out”.
Jerry Seinfeld

That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you and you have no idea where to look.

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.

I was gonna make you a rum cake but now it’s just a cake and I’m drunk.

Halloween = Candy
Thanksgiving = Food
Christmas = Gifts
New Year = Drinks
Valentines = Sex
Birthday = All Of The Above

They say love is all you need…
So I forgot to buy a birthday present.
Happy Birthday!

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake!

Forget the past, you can’t change.
Forget the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!

Happy Birthday!

Hey I’m not saying you’re old… I’m just saying that if you were milk I’d smell you before I poured you on my cereal.

It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.

M. I. C. K. E. Y. U. R. O. L. D.

Over the hill. Never, just on top enjoying the view.

I can’t believe you’re 50. I mean, I can’t believe you’re only 50. I thought you were way older than that.

Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? You’re one year closer to finding out. Happy Birthday.

I’m not gonna make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are. Lol.

Celebrating your birthday is like being happy that you are closer to your grave.

65 and still alive.

I’m not saying you’re old, you have just lived a lot longer than I’ve seen anyone live! But you’re not old. I think.

You’re not old, you’re just. Old.

I’m not saying you’re old. Oh wait. You are!

Happy 13th birthday! Did I hear you saying insult? Please don’t be offended, but honestly, you look younger everyday.

The good, die young. The bad, are bad to the bone.
The young, are young at heart. And the old, is an old fashioned love song.

At least you’re not as old as you will be next year! Happy birthday!!!

I’m sorry you have to scroll so far down on websites looking for your birth year!!!

At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.

That awkward moment when it’s your birthday and everyone is singing “Happy birthday to you” and you just stand there clueless of what to say.

You’re how old? Just be glad your age is not calculated in “Dog years”. They would have put you down by now!

Like a lot of other men my age I have been thirty for ten years now, but I’ve decided today’s the day to move up to thirty one! Come back in ten years and I’ll be turning thirty two.

Omg! __________ is 40! lol!

If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

50, ha! I remember my first Vi*gra.b

Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.

The older you get the bolder you get.

Oohh!!!! Your birthday present, haha!!!! Cute story.

I was going to give you a birthday present but every time I touched the box, it would snarl at me.

I was going to give you a birthday present, but it wouldn’t stop ticking.

Happy birthday!! May you live long enough to sh*t yourself!

You sure don’t look your age, you look way older! Happy birthday oldie!

I don’t know your name, but your birthday cake was delicious.

Over the hill, jumping the gun, look out suckers, here I come!

You are not over the hill. You are on top of it and the view is magnificent.

My birthday…another great day in history.

“Happy Birthday” is normally what people tell you every year, but it’s more like “Congrats! You’re officially one year closer to being dead! Good for you!”

Every year someone asks me “What are you doing for your birthday?” and every year I say “Celebrating, idiot!”

Happy 29th Birthday! (again)

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