From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thank everyone for the birthday wishes and gifts and for those who didn’t do anything, shame on you.
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out”.
– Jerry Seinfeld
That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you and you have no idea where to look.
Halloween = Candy
Thanksgiving = Food
Christmas = Gifts
New Year = Drinks
Valentines = Sex
Birthday = All Of The Above
Forget the past, you can’t change.
Forget the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!
Hey I’m not saying you’re old… I’m just saying that if you were milk I’d smell you before I poured you on my cereal.
I can’t believe you’re 50. I mean, I can’t believe you’re only 50. I thought you were way older than that.
Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? You’re one year closer to finding out. Happy Birthday.
I’m not saying you’re old, you have just lived a lot longer than I’ve seen anyone live! But you’re not old. I think.
Happy 13th birthday! Did I hear you saying insult? Please don’t be offended, but honestly, you look younger everyday.
The good, die young. The bad, are bad to the bone.
The young, are young at heart. And the old, is an old fashioned love song.
That awkward moment when it’s your birthday and everyone is singing “Happy birthday to you” and you just stand there clueless of what to say.
You’re how old? Just be glad your age is not calculated in “Dog years”. They would have put you down by now!
Like a lot of other men my age I have been thirty for ten years now, but I’ve decided today’s the day to move up to thirty one! Come back in ten years and I’ll be turning thirty two.
Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.
“Happy Birthday” is normally what people tell you every year, but it’s more like “Congrats! You’re officially one year closer to being dead! Good for you!”
Every year someone asks me “What are you doing for your birthday?” and every year I say “Celebrating, idiot!”