Act your age not your shoe size.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it, Forget about the future, you can’t predict it, Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?” Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!” “Really? like a newborn baby?” “Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo
I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
How do you expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older? Happy birthday!
I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.
That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you and you have no idea where to look.
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
I can’t believe you’re almost 18. You’ll be able to go to jail!
Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe!
You aren’t really 60. Just 21 with 39 years experience!
Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.
At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.
50?! I demand a recount!!
If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.
Every once in a while, special people are put on this earth. People with deep passion, immense love for others. People with hearts much greater than average, and today, one of them would like to wish you a happy birthday. Happy Birthday.
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.
That awkward moment when it’s your birthday and everyone is singing “Happy birthday to you” and you just stand there clueless of what to say.
It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Forget the past, you can’t change. Forget the future, you can’t predict it. Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!
Happy Birthday!
When asked how old I am I reply, “Old enough to know better, and young enough to do it again!”
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half… Forget that, after I finally learned to talk, my parents were telling me to shut up.
I’m not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
When you are over the hill you pick up speed!
Of course you’re not old! You aren’t very young either.
Birthdays are like boogers the more you have the harder it is to breath.
I’m just here for the cake.
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year! Happy birthday!!!
I’m not 50 I’m 49.95 plus tax.
Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
You’re so old when you look at your birth certificate it said expired.
It’s better to be over the hill than 6 feet under it!
50 years old or 18,250 days young.
The best way of staying young is lying about your age.
Birthdays are like girlfriends, they come and go- unless you enjoy them.
Age doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese.
They say love is all you need… So I forgot to buy a birthday present. Happy Birthday!
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – Bob Hope
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost
Halloween = Candy Thanksgiving = Food Christmas = Gifts New Year = Drinks Valentines = Sex Birthday = All Of The Above
A toast to you! May you live to be as old as you look!
Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? You’re one year closer to finding out. Happy Birthday.
Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake!
Copyright © 2006-2023 - Browse Quotes By Subject | Browse Quotes By Author | About Us | Blog | FAQ | Privacy Policy
