Funny Marriage Quotes & Sayings | Married Life Comedy - Page 3

My wife treats me like a God… She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

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Height of misunderstanding – A man marrying his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before.

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Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
– Evelyn Hendrickson

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My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse!

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There are two sides in a marriage, one who is always right and the other is called…..the husband.

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I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

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Marriage is like a poker game. You start out with a pair. She shows a heart. He flashes a diamond. She gets a flush. And he ends up with a full house and a big pot!!

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Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
– François de La Rochefoucauld

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Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
– Joey Adams

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I thought I was stupid until I got married, my stupidity was confirmed.

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The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman

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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Groucho Marx

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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
– Rodney Dangerfield

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Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield

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Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
– Chris Rock

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Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
– Elbert Hubbard

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A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Man: I wear the pants in the relationship.
Woman: I’m the belt that holds the pants up!

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I don’t like the terms “housewife” and “homemaker” I’m prepared to be called “Domestic Goddess”.. It’s more descriptive.

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