Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

In our marriage everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, he wears. I shop, he pays!

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me. :)

You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher

Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.

Submitted by: ramakochhar on September 28, 2013

Marriage is just fancy word to adopt an over grown male child who is no more handled by his parents.

Submitted by: SOSY on September 22, 2013

Husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!

Submitted by: payal on August 9, 2013

I love her even though she makes me do stuff.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on August 6, 2013

Marriage: I think my wife fell in love with annoying me.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on July 14, 2013

Married men live longer, but they are also more willing to die in more than one way!

Submitted by: Jack on July 7, 2013

When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.

Submitted by: Jet set on June 30, 2013

My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse!

Submitted by: Rhonda on June 25, 2013

You have two options in a marriage. You can either be happy or you can be right.

Submitted by: Brandon B on June 25, 2013

Marriage is a sacred institution, everyone who does it ends up with their own private room eventually.

Submitted by: Frank Insana on June 4, 2013

Marriage is like a poker game. You start out with a pair. She shows a heart. He flashes a diamond. She gets a flush. And he ends up with a full house and a big pot!!

Submitted by: Ken Murray on May 6, 2013

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