Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Sacha Guitry

Once upon, there was this man who asked a woman “Will you marry me?”
The woman said “NO!”
Then the man lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and did whenever he wanted.
“THE END” (…true story)

Submitted by: DroidTsuenik9

Marriage is the longest COLD WAR ever fought.

Submitted by: sujeet kumar

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
– Patrick Murray


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are two sides in a marriage, one who is always right and the other is called…..the husband.

Submitted by: shirley

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Robert Frost

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Evelyn Hendrickson


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce.

Submitted by: Dennis Mapfumo

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half- shut afterwards.
– Benjamin Franklin

Man: I wear the pants in the relationship.
Woman: I’m the belt that holds the pants up!

Submitted by: Hillary and Frank

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