Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

For happy married life men must remember: when you are wrong confess immediately, when right keep mum.

Submitted by: Santosh Jindal on February 17, 2012

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.

Submitted by: Randall on August 30, 2011

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love her even though she makes me do stuff.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on August 6, 2013

Marriage: I think my wife fell in love with annoying me.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on July 14, 2013

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
– Billy Connolly

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
– Ogden Nash


Isn’t it weird that before you have children, people warn you that they can be expensive and sometimes difficult? Why didn’t I ever get warned about marriage?

Submitted by: Dan on September 1, 2012

Marriage turns night owls into homing pigeons.

Submitted by: ritesh on February 1, 2010

Marriage is a jail with out bail.

Submitted by: arabind jha on July 25, 2012

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
Gene Perret

My wife swept me off my feet when we first met now all she does is tell me to lift my feet so she can sweep!

Submitted by: Larry Gross on January 11, 2013

Every time I find Mr. Right my husband scares him off.

Submitted by: naomi on December 16, 2011

An idea can change your life. A wife can change your idea.

Submitted by: vamsi on December 13, 2011

100% of divorces start in marriage.

Submitted by: Cecil Turtle on December 23, 2011

Man + married + divorced + married again = stupid to the 3rd power

Submitted by: Zuheily on July 28, 2011

Marriages are made in heaven but they make hell on earth.

Submitted by: ramakochhar on September 28, 2009

Your child is as you raise him. And your husband as you train him.

Submitted by: rasha on September 25, 2011

Marriage is a sacred institution, everyone who does it ends up with their own private room eventually.

Submitted by: Frank Insana on June 4, 2013

Today I celebrate 14 years of married life. I can’t remember breaking two mirrors.

Submitted by: George Valentinel on April 15, 2012

A friend of mine once asked his wife, where she wanted to go for their anniversary. His wife said “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”..So… He took her to the kitchen.

Submitted by: Aswin on February 13, 2012

9 out of 10 men are cheating on their wife, and there is one more who is still hesitating.

Submitted by: NeverBeen Loved on December 15, 2011

Why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it.

Submitted by: kathleen on April 16, 2012

Wife : What is the difference between complete and Finish?
Kapil : If you marry the right girl your life gets COMPLETE. and if you marry the wrong girl your life gets FINISHED

People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
Erma Bombeck


They say marriage is life, they also say life ain’t fair.

Submitted by: Lateef92 on November 11, 2011

Why dogs don’t get married? Because they are already leading a dog’s life.

Submitted by: Haider on April 19, 2012

Women marry for prosperity, development and security whereas men marry for enjoyment, destruction and insecurity.

Submitted by: raina on January 18, 2012

“I won’t have another drink my wife said if I am not home by 9 -45, my life is not worth living”.
His friend said “what are you a man or a mouse”.
He said “I am a man if I was a mouse the wife would be frightened of me”.

Submitted by: GEORGE VALENTINE on April 9, 2012

The definition of True Love: Temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Submitted by: ANGELA on July 18, 2011

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