Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything.
Oscar Wilde

What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and they take the house when they leave.

Submitted by: Dana Peddicord on June 24, 2012

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

Men socialize by insulting one another, but they don’t really mean it. Women socialize by complimenting one another… But they don’t really mean it, either.

Submitted by: Danno on April 25, 2012

Men are from mars, women are from “Do I look fat in these?”.

Submitted by: george mattson on October 31, 2011

Why do only 60% of women go to heaven…because if they all went it would be hell.

Submitted by: robert on April 29, 2012

Women speak two languages. One of which is verbal.

Submitted by: ddbakes on June 16, 2012

If you want to know a girl…praise her friends.

Submitted by: vasuroshan on January 11, 2011

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

Synonym of women must be mysterious.. Cos know one has ever been able to understand them…

Submitted by: sarju on November 16, 2009

Never underestimate the power of nagging.

Submitted by: Ollie Hansén on July 17, 2011

Women are a language men will never understand.

Submitted by: leon on December 12, 2011

Fastest ways of communication, telephone, television, tell-a-woman.

Submitted by: phantom on February 3, 2016

I think the inventor of the mirror is a man who was tired of always being asked how do I look by his wife.

Submitted by: Maduwa Thabo on September 27, 2015

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock


Women are suitable to be journalists, they never spend a minute quiet.

Submitted by: Norman on December 4, 2012

A woman look ten times more beautiful when she is sleeping, but only to her husband.:P

Submitted by: Prateek on December 10, 2011

Ladies, why you ask if a dress makes you look fat? Why you no see your fat makes you look fat?

Submitted by: silly girl -..- on December 6, 2011

Why did god create men first?
He didn’t want to be coached on how to make him.

Submitted by: missportiap on December 4, 2011

Women are like an email in your inbox, you cannot wait to open it, and when you open it, then you realize its a virus.

Submitted by: Nabil on September 4, 2009

You know a women is about to say something smart when she starts her sentence with “A man once told me”…

Submitted by: frank on April 6, 2010

I don’t condone wife beating, but I understand it!

Submitted by: Marty on June 3, 2012

Two most deadly weapons in the world: Women’s nagging and Women’s tears! Can make any man act like a tortoise, right into the shell. Don’t believe me, try it…he he he:P

Submitted by: Ashish Mittal on December 14, 2011

What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
Jerry Seinfeld

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won’t run.
Phyllis Diller


If a woman tells you that she is single by choice, its probably because no one has chosen her.

Submitted by: stoopid on October 20, 2009

If for some reason I doubt that I’m wrong, all I need to do is ask a woman for verification.

Submitted by: DaGooch on September 17, 2012

Halloween is for dressing as something you’re not. That’s why most girls go as sexy.

If Women were Cars, then the men would save more fuel…nobody wants a car that decides where to go, when to go and for how long.

Submitted by: H.H on August 18, 2008

I don’t get why girls go to college, you don’t need a degree to make a sandwich.

Submitted by: john on November 10, 2010

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