Short Funny Quotes

You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!

Funny Quote: You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I...

Submitted by: 'Becca on December 14, 2007
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This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Funny Quote: This dog, is dog, a dog, good...

Submitted by: amal on December 23, 2010
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Never steal. The government hates competition.

Funny Quote: Never steal. The government hates competition.

Submitted by: ashley on February 7, 2008
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Steven Wright

Funny Quote: Light travels faster than sound. This is...

Submitted by: Jinny on June 12, 2009
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Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Funny Quote: Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected...

Submitted by: Dylan on January 29, 2008
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Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)

Funny Quote: Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much...

Submitted by: Scholtzy on December 11, 2007
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Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

Funny Quote: Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag...

Submitted by: katrina on December 18, 2007
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Smile…It confuses people..!!

Funny Quote: Smile…It confuses people..!!

Submitted by: Pankil on August 26, 2008
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Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Funny Quote: Practice makes perfect but then nobody is...

Submitted by: devon on August 10, 2007
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Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Funny Quote: Everybody wishes they could go to heaven...

Submitted by: Wise man on December 21, 2011
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Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

Funny Quote: Life is like a hot bath. It...

Submitted by: Freak. on January 3, 2008
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DON’T HIT KIDS!!!
No, seriously, they have guns now.

Funny Quote: DON’T HIT KIDS!!! No, seriously, they have...

Submitted by: I on May 31, 2008
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Funny Quote: An apple a day keeps the doctor...

Submitted by: sammie on October 9, 2012
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Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Funny Quote: Why are they called apartments if they...

Submitted by: tara:littlestar on September 1, 2007
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Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Funny Quote: Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the...

Submitted by: I on May 31, 2008
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I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Funny Quote: I want to kill the hottest person...

Submitted by: cassie on May 6, 2008
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If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

Funny Quote: If you can’t get someone out of...

Submitted by: daprincessishere on December 9, 2007
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When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Funny Quote: When I die, I wanna go like...

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl on February 6, 2008
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I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Funny Quote: I ran into my ex today…put it...

Submitted by: olivia hawley on January 26, 2008
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I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.

Funny Quote: I wish my book of life was...

Submitted by: Susan on April 17, 2009
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Save paper, don’t do home work.

Funny Quote: Save paper, don’t do home work.

Submitted by: Allyson on October 2, 2007
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All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

Funny Quote: All guys hate the words DON’T and...

Submitted by: dominic on December 6, 2007
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I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Funny Quote: I still miss my ex – But...

Submitted by: Dilip on October 30, 2007
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Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.

Funny Quote: Do not drink and drive or you...

Submitted by: DirtySouth on December 1, 2007
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Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

Funny Quote: Never judge someone until you walk a...

Submitted by: Julio on December 15, 2007
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Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.

Funny Quote: Boys fall for me- Because I trip...

Submitted by: I on May 31, 2008
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Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!

Funny Quote: Don’t think of yourself as an ugly...

Submitted by: Callie W. on July 18, 2007
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When life gives you lemons,
make grape juice,
then sit back,
and let the wold wonder how you did it.

Funny Quote: When life gives you lemons, make grape...

Submitted by: Robyn on September 27, 2008
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Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?

Funny Quote: Why do stores that are open 24/7...

Submitted by: win_ringette on October 19, 2008
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I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )

Funny Quote: I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get...

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl on February 6, 2008
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