There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. – Steven Wright
Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.
When I get depressed I cut myself ….. A piece of cheesecake.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Where’s my chips?
Save the planet it’s the only one with beer.
I wasn’t sleeping I was just taking a good look at my eye- lids. Behind Every Successful Person Lies A Pack Of Haters.
It’s better to cheat, than to repeat…
Do you mind if I don’t smoke? – Groucho Marx
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Boy:Hi can we be friends? Girl: No! Boy: Come on I’m rich. Girl: Hi I’m Claire, 22 yrs old,single. Boy: My name is rich…26 yrs old…can we meet for dinner? Girl: Sorry I don’t talk to strangers.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
No one is as ugly as their driving license/identity card picture, nor as good- looking as their Facebook profile pic..!:D;)
I was born intelligent…..but studies ruined me……
To do is to be. – Socrates To be is to do. – Sartre Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra – Kurt Vonnegut
If the batteries in our T.V remote are dead … Why do we keep pushing the button until our fingers hurt ?
The correct phobic term for the fear of long words?Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (!)
Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.
How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? – George Carlin
If there’s a Hell on Earth, it’s high school. – Lisa Desrochers
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