Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 6
Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!
A man who never experienced fear has never seen his wife 40 pounds overweight.
I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.
My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?
129% of people exaggerate.
Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.
Person: So what are you going to be for Halloween?
You: Well I was wondering if I could borrow the mask you’re wearing now!
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
Be alert,,, the world needs more lerts
They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!
Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.
An optimist is a person that falls off the empire state building and after 50 floor says so far so good!
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.