Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan on January 29, 2008

Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.

Submitted by: Sujit on January 6, 2011

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Submitted by: Sneaky on February 7, 2008

There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

Submitted by: smiley35 on August 23, 2009

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Submitted by: Mark Cromo on March 27, 2013
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Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

Submitted by: jenny: on January 28, 2008

I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.

Submitted by: Susanne on August 6, 2009

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Submitted by: Shorty on September 27, 2009

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo on August 4, 2009

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo on August 4, 2009

A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Submitted by: Debra Ramey on April 12, 2010
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Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Submitted by: Nicole on December 30, 2009

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: Jake on June 21, 2010

“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say…i just watch what they do.”

Submitted by: Bertha on July 31, 2008

129% of people exaggerate.

Submitted by: Jenny A. on May 5, 2010

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