Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don’t ask him what he shot.

Gone golfin’ … be back dark thirty.

Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play.

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.


A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are… that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.

We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.
– Bruce Lansky


Golf is a nice relaxing way to get frustrated and super disappointed in yourself.

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea of how to play.
– Gary Player

I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I`m really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.
– Ewan McGregor

The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
– Mickey Mantle

The most important shot in golf is the next one.
– Ben Hogan

If it goes right it’s a slice. If it goes left it’s a hook. If it goes straight it’s a miracle.

That was the right club with the wrong guy swinging it.

Submitted by: jeffrey on June 19, 2018

The only two good balls I hit all day was when I stepped on a rake.

Submitted by: Brian on March 25, 2016

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry

Work is for people who don’t know how to play golf.


Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
– Jimmy Demaret

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
– Ted Ray

To golf or not to golf?? What a stupid question!

Whoever said “Practice makes perfect” obviously never played golf.

Submitted by: Lipschitz on April 12, 2013

Early to bed, early to rise, golf all day & make up lies.

Submitted by: Cheryl Erickson on April 9, 2013

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