Funny Men Quotes and Sayings

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!

Submitted by: debbie on January 7, 2008

A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.

Submitted by: MiseryinMakeup on February 22, 2008

I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.

Submitted by: Corilayn on January 21, 2011

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin

Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.

Submitted by: lucie stone on January 18, 2008

Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Submitted by: admin on December 12, 2012

While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.

Submitted by: Jessica! on March 31, 2013
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Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with men?

Submitted by: Kaylaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa on March 21, 2011

You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher

The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.

Submitted by: Monica Louise on October 26, 2010

So many men so little asprin.

Submitted by: Jóna on September 13, 2007

MEN ARE LIKE BUSES… IF YOU MISS ONE ANOTHER ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES.

Submitted by: JoeAnn on April 18, 2008

Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

Submitted by: Madisoneats pickles on March 2, 2013

Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.

Submitted by: umut on July 22, 2009

Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.

Submitted by: Tandy on November 26, 2012
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When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.

Submitted by: Brooke on June 17, 2009

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs…

Submitted by: Moi on March 26, 2010

Little girls grow up to be ladies…Little boys grow up to be big boys

Submitted by: frosty on February 25, 2009

There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

Submitted by: 100%Moi!!!! on March 26, 2010

The only difference between men and boys are the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.

Submitted by: mary ann rising on October 22, 2009

What do men and clouds have in common???… When both are not around its a nice day!

Submitted by: Only meeeeeeee on December 29, 2008

Always remember:
When SHE cancels a date, it is because..
“She has to.”
But
When HE cancels a date, it is because..
“He has two.”

Submitted by: rodger on July 27, 2011

Men only have two faults, everything they say and everything they do.

Submitted by: talia shire on August 8, 2010

Women would rather be beautiful than smart only because men can see way better than they can think.

Submitted by: b breezy on June 10, 2010

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin

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Always go for a beautiful, intelligent & loving boy. But make sure the three boys don’t meet each other.

Submitted by: Anjuu on January 13, 2011

Don’t trust a man who offers you the moon and the stars… Cause God knows his arms can’t reach that far.

Submitted by: eve on January 14, 2011

One day a man asked a genie to make him smarter than any other man on earth. The genie turned him into a woman.

Submitted by: brooke on July 17, 2011

Why don’t men get Mad Cow Disease?
Because they’re all pigs.

Submitted by: Tys on July 31, 2009

The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys!

Submitted by: Dar Sapkaroski on January 13, 2011

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