Funny Men Quotes and Sayings

A man woke up in the morning with a headache and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: “Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store”.
When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night.
His son said “Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss you, you yelled “Get off me lady I am married!”
Getting drunk: $65
Calling a cab when you’re too drunk: $21.50.
Saying the right things at the right time: Priceless.

Submitted by: MiseryinMakeup on February 22, 2008

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The richer the better!

Submitted by: debbie on January 7, 2008

I never understood why we call men “pigs” and “dogs”…pigs are smart and dogs are loyal.

Submitted by: Corilayn on January 21, 2011

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin

Men are like chocolate bars…they’re sweet and smooth but head straight for your hips.

Submitted by: lucie stone on January 18, 2008

Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Submitted by: admin on December 12, 2012

While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.

Submitted by: Jessica! on March 31, 2013

Menopause, menstrual cramps, mental illness, mental breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with men?

Submitted by: Kaylaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa on March 21, 2011

You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher

The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.

Submitted by: Monica Louise on October 26, 2010

So many men so little asprin.

Submitted by: Jóna on September 13, 2007


Submitted by: JoeAnn on April 18, 2008

Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

Submitted by: Madisoneats pickles on March 2, 2013

Men are the head of the family , Women are the neck ,they can turn the head wherever they please.

Submitted by: umut on July 22, 2009

Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.

Submitted by: Tandy on November 26, 2012

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