Funny Men Quotes and Sayings

Men are like a pair of high heel shoes you wear them use them and throw them away for a new pair.

Submitted by: Crystal on February 5, 2018

The way to man’s heart is through an incision.

Submitted by: Rahul Ramabhadran on July 24, 2016

There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”

When God created man she was only joking.

Submitted by: Peter Scheen on February 11, 2016

A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run – Sit still and ignore him and he’ll come purring at your feet.
Helen Rowland

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld


It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women.
Louis C.K.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry

I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?
Will Smith

Men are like Bluetooth connection, when you are beside them, they stay connected but when you are away, they search for new devices.

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract!

I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap bag and dragged through mountains.


You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
Bill Maher

The man is not a dog – he will not run after bones.

Submitted by: mareniek on September 8, 2013

Things you’ll never hear a man say…

Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature.
– Letters to Juliet, the movie.

Submitted by: brooklynne on June 23, 2013

A women needs a man like fish need a bicycle.

Submitted by: Sonia on May 27, 2013

A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!

Submitted by: Peter on April 7, 2013

While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.

Submitted by: Jessica! on March 31, 2013

Men…. I don’t get them, they spend 9 months of their life waiting to come out and the rest of their life trying to get in.

Submitted by: Lynn on March 27, 2013

Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

Submitted by: Madisoneats pickles on March 2, 2013

We can train a monkey to fly a jet but we can’t train a man to be humble.

Submitted by: C Ray on February 2, 2013

Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Submitted by: admin on December 12, 2012

Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.
– Suze Orman

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.

Submitted by: Doug Dunn on December 9, 2012

He suffers from delusions of grandeur; nevertheless he is truly grand!

Submitted by: Boghos L. Artinian on December 1, 2012

Men are like commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.

Submitted by: Tandy on November 26, 2012

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