Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.

Submitted by: Mary on June 5, 2019

The trash will get picked up tomorrow, be ready.

Submitted by: Yssabel on June 3, 2019

Sarcasm: curing the world one insult at a time.

Submitted by: HarleyQuinn on June 2, 2019

You are not useless because you can still be used as a bad example.

Submitted by: Godwin khaemba on June 2, 2019

“Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere”
Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in 98
Me: No

If stupidity was a profession then you’d be a billionaire.

Submitted by: Fred on December 8, 2018

You: Hey you just insulted me.
Me: Wow did you just figured that out?

Submitted by: Feron on December 8, 2018

Are you sure this is your territory?

Submitted by: Elyse on December 8, 2018

Don’t talk while I am interrupting!

Submitted by: Andre Dabdoub on October 24, 2018

You don’t like me.
Ohh sh*t, no way, I’m gonna die, I can’t live like this.
Just kidding !!!

Submitted by: Dolcy Dhingra on July 26, 2018

Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?

Submitted by: Nisha negi on July 15, 2018

When life shuts a door in your face. Open it. That’s how doors work. Right?

Submitted by: Moo on July 14, 2018

(How I advertised my gym)
If you are fat and ugly, just be ugly.

Submitted by: The Beast Incarnate on July 13, 2018

Your head is just there to keep your ears apart.

Submitted by: Jenn Taylor on March 25, 2018

I was born in the dark but it wasn’t last night.

Submitted by: Brenda Simmers on May 9, 2017

Don’t bother me. I’m trying to give a damn about what you just said.

Submitted by: Sean on May 8, 2017

Oh I’m sorry, were we supposed to dress stupid today?

Submitted by: Jwjssb on May 3, 2017

Person 1: What are the papers saying today?
Me: I don’t know, haven’t talked to them yet.

Submitted by: Max Charlison on May 3, 2017

I can see your lips moving but I don’t know why.

Submitted by: Fluent on April 30, 2017

Person: Go to hell.
Me:I’m packing my bags, just promise me you won’t end up there.

Submitted by: Shafqat on November 27, 2016

Person 1: Did you just see that?!?!?!
Me: No, I wasn’t standing watching the whole time >_>.

Submitted by: Smart Sarcastic asian guy on November 23, 2016

Person 1: Whatcha reading?
Person 2: Words. Duh.

Submitted by: Savana on October 18, 2016

Sometimes some people need a high five.
On the head.
With a sledgehammer.

Submitted by: Savana on October 18, 2016

Your bae is suffering from low self-esteem, well, maybe that’s why she’s dating you.

Submitted by: @OfficialBigDzu on October 18, 2016

Boy: Do you have any sense?
Girl: Ya, do you want some?

Submitted by: do u need on October 18, 2016

Talking to myself. Because who else will?

Submitted by: sarcasm because killing people is illegal on October 6, 2016

She: My love close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Me: Nothing.
She: This is my life without you.
Me: Now close your eyes and tell me what you see.
She: Nothing.
Me: This is what I feel for you :d

Submitted by: Hemant stephen salvatore on October 6, 2016

You just bought an expensive gift for someone.
Person: Oh my, how did you manage to buy this for me?
Me: Well, urm I just exchanged it for a lot of money.

Submitted by: Yusuf Ansari on August 15, 2016

If I wanted to kill myself I’ll have to climb your ego and then jump to your IQ.

Submitted by: Yusuf Ansari on August 15, 2016

12 am call from a friend.
Friend: Are you asleep?
Me: Nope, I just like dancing at midnight while everyone is asleep.

Submitted by: Nosipho on July 24, 2016

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