Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

Submitted by: Anei on November 20, 2009

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Submitted by: Sir Custac Cant on February 23, 2013

You: “Why are you here?”
Me: “Well… Heaven didn’t want me,
And hells afraid I’ll take over.”

Submitted by: Kikkaa on September 25, 2008

You sound better with your mouth closed.

Submitted by: Crissy on March 25, 2009

My friends are so much cooler than yours.
They’re invisible.

Submitted by: he on February 25, 2009

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

Submitted by: Lalee on July 10, 2012

I’m smiling…that alone should scare you.

Submitted by: NESSA on May 27, 2009
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You: I’m going to be a comedian one day!
Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles*
You: Whats so funny?
Me: *gasps* oh! you were being serious, i’m sorry.

Submitted by: Dessy on January 31, 2009

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever

Submitted by: taylor on March 1, 2009

Look at you your in perfect shape……………for a circle

Submitted by: CF1 on February 18, 2009

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Submitted by: Idann on January 24, 2010

Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Submitted by: Christel on November 26, 2008

Expect nothing and you’ll never be dissapointed!

Submitted by: Amanda on August 1, 2009

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

Submitted by: qinyuan on October 2, 2009

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone… I realized I can do so much without you.

Submitted by: kiran on August 18, 2009
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Person 1: ” You did not just do that!!”
Person 2: “no? watch I’ll do it again!!”

Submitted by: cijan rike on December 14, 2008

>Attempting to give a damn…
>Unable to give a damn…
>Stopping…
>Process failed!
[Damn not given]

Submitted by: jo-c on February 11, 2010

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!

Submitted by: nichole on October 1, 2009

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…

Submitted by: Stefana on January 26, 2009

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

Submitted by: tim on March 30, 2010

Question: Do you know who I am????
Answer: No, Why? Have you forgotten?

Submitted by: Lynette on October 20, 2010

You: Do you want a piece of my mind?!
Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.

Submitted by: Sarah on April 21, 2010

I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid… Then I met you.

Submitted by: biteme on June 6, 2009

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Submitted by: therandomone on November 28, 2008

You: OMG did you just fall.?
Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face.!

Submitted by: FranklyiDontCare on May 19, 2010
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When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

Submitted by: Natimar Diaz on February 25, 2010

You have no one to blame but yourself…Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.

Submitted by: prankcaller911 on May 16, 2009

If had a dollar for evry smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

Submitted by: Ken on March 16, 2009

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

Submitted by: shutup on December 18, 2012

See this hand?
It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.

Submitted by: Phuong on September 27, 2010

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