Don’t argue with fools, cos people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.
A girl wearing pointed high- heeled shoes steps on someones feet Girl: Sorry, did that hurt? Someone: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia why don’t you try again.
Mom: You can’t have a coke now! Kid: Why not? Mom: Because it’s bad for you this early in the morning. Kid: Well how does the coke know it’s morning?
WAIT…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal
Person 1: You look great ! Person 2: Sorry ! I can’t say the same about you. Person 1: Just do like me … Lie !
Sometimes some people need a high five. On the head. With a sledgehammer.
Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.
Cop pulls over a car: Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Driver: You thought I had donuts?
Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.
Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.
You: Did I wake you up? Me: Nah I’m always awake at 3 am!
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and the highest form of intelligence.
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday!
Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.
You can’t face the problem if the problem is your face.
You’re right, violence is not the solution; it’s just part of the equation.
About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?” I reply “Check the oven”.
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