Quotes by George Carlin

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.
– George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
– George Carlin

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
– George Carlin

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn’t afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.
– George Carlin

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
– George Carlin

Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
– George Carlin

I couldn’t commit suicide if my life depended on it.
– George Carlin

Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
– George Carlin


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