Short Funny Quotes

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Submitted by: amal on December 23, 2010

You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!

Submitted by: 'Becca on December 14, 2007

Never steal. The government hates competition.

Submitted by: ashley on February 7, 2008

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Steven Wright

Submitted by: Jinny on June 12, 2009

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Submitted by: Dylan on January 29, 2008

1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

Submitted by: Cigaro on March 1, 2008

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)

Submitted by: Scholtzy on December 11, 2007

Smile…It confuses people..!!

Submitted by: Pankil on August 26, 2008

Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

Submitted by: katrina on December 18, 2007

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Submitted by: devon on August 10, 2007

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

Submitted by: Wise man on December 21, 2011

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

Submitted by: Freak. on January 3, 2008

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

Submitted by: sammie on October 9, 2012

No, seriously, they have guns now.

Submitted by: I on May 31, 2008

Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?

Submitted by: tara:littlestar on September 1, 2007

Don’t knock on death’s door. Hit the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Submitted by: I on May 31, 2008

I want to kill the hottest person alive… But suicide is a crime!

Submitted by: cassie on May 6, 2008

If you can’t get someone out of your head,
.. Then maybe they are supposed to be there. <3

Submitted by: daprincessishere on December 9, 2007

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

Submitted by: ArmenianGrl on February 6, 2008

I wish my book of life was written in pencil … There are a few pages I would like to erase.

Submitted by: Susan on April 17, 2009

I ran into my ex today…put it in reverse and did it again!!!

Submitted by: olivia hawley on January 26, 2008

Save paper, don’t do home work.

Submitted by: Allyson on October 2, 2007

All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

Submitted by: dominic on December 6, 2007

I dream of a better tomorrow…
where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Submitted by: **THD Rulez** on April 20, 2009

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Submitted by: Dilip on October 30, 2007

Do not drink and drive
or you might spill the drink.

Submitted by: DirtySouth on December 1, 2007

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

Submitted by: Julio on December 15, 2007

Boys fall for me-
Because I trip them.

Submitted by: I on May 31, 2008

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
It always gets laughs!

Submitted by: Callie W. on July 18, 2007

Life is Short – Talk Fast!

Submitted by: Jaime on September 23, 2007

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