Short Funny Quotes - Page 7

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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson

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It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
Bill Watterson

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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
Ashleigh Brilliant

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Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce

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Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Ambrose Bierce

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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
Fran Lebowitz

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When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

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When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

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My mother texted me “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?”
I answered: “I don’t know, love you, talk to you later”
Mother: “OK, I’ll ask your sister”

I retired early for health reasons – my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.

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