Short Funny Quotes - Page 7

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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday.

Funny Quote: I hate how Monday is so far...

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I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

Funny Quote: I never run with scissors. Those last...

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After being dead for centuries, a blind man asks someone to describe what heaven looks like. The man replies, “Go ask Satan”.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

If you cut me in a line you’ll get kicked in the behind.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson.

Everyone hates pennies. Except Lincoln.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Attitude: I work hard. At avoiding work.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Insult: If beauty fades you have nothing to worry about.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Memory loss: I had an epiphany. But I can’t remember what it was.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Boss: This job really isn’t for me. It’s for the sucker I keep giving it to.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough.

Submitted by: abigail george

During surgery: “At least he doesn’t have brain damage.” “Wait… Now he does.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Bumper sticker: If my bumper falls off I’ll need this sticker back.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Oral hygiene: The dentist wanted to take one of my teeth. I said, “I think I’ll wait for the tooth fairy.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Flying: Not a good way to let passengers know that they’re landing: “This plane is going down.”

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Bumper sticker: I left my wife. Way back there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Sanity: I think I’m crazy. I can’t stop thinking if I am. Does that make me crazy? You think I’m crazy don’t you?!

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Fun killer: There will be no drinking at this party. And no people either.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

Work: My boss is making his office bigger. His ego doesn’t fit.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

During surgery: After everything we did, I can’t believe this guy is still alive.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson

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