Short Funny Quotes

I almost died because of obesity. It make me cannot breath when sleep at night.

Put the fun between your legs.

The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community.

The boy knew that escaping school was the surest sign of his election.

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Mark Twain

If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates.

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars be allowed to use the highways.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming.
Jarod Kintz

Be careful when you blindly follow the Masses… Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.
Leonardo DiCaprio

It’s fine if you don’t like me. Not everyone has a good taste.
Leonardo DiCaprio

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