Short Funny Quotes - Page 7
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
– Rodney Dangerfield
“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”
I don’t judge, God does. But God is in me that’s why I do.
Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.
I walk around like everything is fine.
But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
When everyone else is fighting over the biggest slice of cake, make sure you quickly eat the rest.
I tried coke once. The bubbles burned my nose and I almost drowned.
A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
— Steve Martin
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
– Woody Allen
If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.
— Chris Rock
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
– Chris Rock