Short Funny Quotes

Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming.
Jarod Kintz

Be careful when you blindly follow the Masses… Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.
Leonardo DiCaprio

It’s fine if you don’t like me. Not everyone has a good taste.
Leonardo DiCaprio

CHEERS TO THE ONES WHO DOUBTED ME.
Leonardo DiCaprio

Cheers to my Haters, There is so much more to come!!!
Leonardo DiCaprio

I’m 97% sure you don’t like me. But I’m 100% sure i don’t care.
Leonardo DiCaprio

If I had to describe myself to an alien I’d say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I’d also say I’m really handsome – especially if they were a female alien.
Dwayne Johnson

It’s great fun to chat to people’s friends and family members on the phone. I just say `hello, how are you’, but most of the time they don’t believe it’s me. So sometimes they hang up on me.
Tom Cruise

If a boy has to see a film then he must see it with a girl only … otherwise it is an insult of the film, insult of the theater and insult of the entire audience in the theater
Movie: Rehnaa Hai Terre Dil Mein
Star: Anupam Kher

What a thing a woman is … if you say anything then her face swells … and if you do anything then her belly swells
Movie: Chashme Baddoor (2013)
Star: Anupam Kher

I feel that India’s story is like walking up a spiral on a mountain. You walk and walk and then you turn and you can see the sky.
Gulzar

There was a time when people said, ‘Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.’ Now they just say, ‘Pay him!’
Jim Carrey

Hey, maybe I’ll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then.
Jim Carrey

My report card always said, ‘Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students’.
Jim Carrey

If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer!
Jim Carrey

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