Divorce Quotes and Sayings

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
– Jean Kerr

The only grounds for divorce in California are marriage.
– Cher

A friend of mine recently divorced his wife after 37 years. He said he was looking for a some-sex relationship.
– Greg Tamblyn

Our parents got divorced when we were kids, and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and the car. We were all excited. My dad got some luggage.
– Tom Arnold

Even as a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me … and no one showed up.
– Rodney Dangerfield


It’s hard to talk to divorced men, always sensitive from the divorce. They take things the wrong way. “Nice day, don’t you think?” “I don’t want to make a commitment.” “Want half of my ice cream?” “I don’t want half of anything anymore.”
– Elayne Boosler

Half of all marriages end in divorce — and then there are the really unhappy ones.
– Joan Rivers

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed.
– Jay Leno

When it comes to divorce, absence may not make the heart grow fonder, but it sure cuts down on the gunplay.
– Eileen Courtney

I wasn’t actually divorced. I was traded.
– Tim Conway

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
– Henny Youngman


When I divorced I went through the various stages of grieving: anger, denial, and dancing around with my settlement check.
– Maura Kennedy

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.
– Jack Benny

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner

I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.
– Heinrich Heine

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