I just edited my friend list. So if you’re still able to read this then congratulations you made it through my first elimination.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status… After 3 it should default to “unstable”.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Jolene understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
“My memory is so bad” “How bad is it” “How bad is what?”
Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Why can’t there be a get away from me button or stop poking me stalker button on Facebook…
I watch pom. I bet you read that wrong, didn’t you?
Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
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