I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
The question isn’t ‘what do we want to know about people?’, It’s,’What do people want to tell about themselves? – Mark Zuckerberg
Helping a billion people connect is amazing, humbling and by fare the thing I am most proud of in my life. – Mark Zuckerberg
Truth be told, if you say you are not an objector, you are ranged against democracy. If you have a different point of view, say you are a dissenter. Post ten things on Facebook daily and say openly, ‘Yes, I have a difference of opinion.’ Being an objector is no crime. – Ravish Kumar
I’m pretty but my double chins are prettier.
After smoking weed he went to coca cola to buy beer.
My life, my rules, so keep your nose out of my business.
Did you know that Facebook can lie sometimes ? Seriously how can someone be sick with 22 others.
Yeah you – the one reading my status, get lost!
If you wanna know who read your words attentively, leave mistakes in status.
Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.
Say it to my face, not through your status!
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!
I log out from FB. Reason: I am bored. After 5 min I signed in. Reason: I am bored.
If you see me smiling in public, it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head
My ex girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.
Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.
I wish that I could put my status to what I am really thinking.
Don’t piss me off then tell me to calm down, that’s like stabbing someone and then asking why they’re bleeding.
Annoying moment when two people start a conversation on your Facebook status.
Women are a strange breed. They paint their lips; Show off their inner-wear; Flaunt their bodies; Wear butt-hugging jeans; And then they expect men to notice their emotions!
Living reality Not a Facebook fantasy Like others Be yourself Quit acting like someone else.
If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.
I’ll change my gender to ‘female’ and my name to ‘Linda’. So when I post an update, people will rush to like them.
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.
There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.
That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.
Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.
In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ’em not to f*** with you.
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid stuff people post, I can Like it. And it will say “Nobody likes this”.
If you follow me on Facebook, you are a stalker. That’s Twitter moron.
I am currently restructuring my multinational Facebook friends list. I have decided to be within a manageable level of friends for control purposes. I am stream- lining my own time online so I can do other things with more meaning. This means, I will only retain responsive, active friends. This is my way of cost cutting my energy from reading non sense updates, humorless comments and unnecessary feedback. So until I get round to unfriending you “You know who you are”, either from self delete or from myself having to use the the bye bye button on you, this is only so my time is my own again. P.S. If you are reading this then hello Facebook friend.
Facebook is the only book that we read everyday.
If a girl has 550 likes and 394 comments in her picture on Facebook, it can only mean one thing: She’s naked.
So I tried this interesting new recipe; beer can chicken. You actually cook the whole chicken with a can of beer inside. The recipe only calls for one beer. I bought a six pack and drank the first five before beginning to prepare the meal. Strange but I must have missed the line in the recipe that said to “Open” the can before inserting into the chicken. When a can of beer is heated to 375 degrees, it reacts by “Self opening” what a mess to clean up.
If you don’t like me well honey you don’t have to.
What starts with f and ends in uck?!. Firetruck.
Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think i’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.
Facebook should have a “Please stop writing stupid encouraging messages” button.
I accepted your friend request not a marriage proposal. Boys, just think of me as the barbie doll you’ll never get to play with.;) I’m not single, I’m just in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.:D
Wouldn’t be much better if Facebook had “please reply to your inbox messages, or your Facebook account will be terminated”.
There will be an another sunrise if you can wait, always a more beautiful sunrise. A more beautiful day. Only if you can wait.
Stop saying lies about me behind my back and I’ll stop saying the truth about you.
If I had 10 ice- cubes and 11 bananas, how many waffles could get stuck on the roof? Purple, because aliens don’t wear hats.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status… After 3 it should default to “unstable”.
School is pointless. English: We speak it. History: They’re dead, get over it. Math: We have calculators. Spanish: We have Dora.
When you can’t sleep- have no fear! Facebook is here! …Yay?
Facebook should have a ‘dislike’ button…I’d be going down my crushes/girlfriends page saying “dislike, dislike, dislike”.
If you have a problem “Face it don’t Facebook it”.
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