Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

Submitted by: Lakiyah King on March 23, 2010

My golf score seems to improve considerably when I have the score card.

Submitted by: Terry on July 30, 2009

My worst day at golf still beats my best day at work.

Submitted by: corn rows on March 27, 2011

Swing hard, in case you hit it!

Submitted by: Mowldsey on January 21, 2010

I hold several records on the golf course, but they all pertain to beer.

Submitted by: Hermit on December 3, 2007

I found Jesus on the golf course. Well at least I heard his name several times.

Submitted by: David on March 26, 2010

I never found golf interesting, but then I learned thats just where men go to let go of there anger.

Submitted by: Unknown on August 28, 2009
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Golf has produced a lot of millionaires…most of them are former billionaires.

Submitted by: 19th hole on December 14, 2010

Whoever said “Practice makes perfect” obviously never played golf.

Submitted by: Lipschitz on April 12, 2013

If you’ve forgotten what frustration is like, spend 10 minutes on a golf course.

Submitted by: RobertM on September 3, 2010

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
– Hank Aaron

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
– Lee Trevino

If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot.
– Sam Snead

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
– George Deukmejian

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
Bob Hope

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I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.
Muhammad Ali (When asked about his Golf game)

You’ve just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.
– Sam Snead

Golf is an unusual game. When you have a good day, you can’t wait to get back out there, and when you have a bad day, you can’t wait to get back out there.

Submitted by: mic on July 22, 2011

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
– Paul Harvey

A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
– Jimmy Demaret

I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
– Gerald Ford

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill- designed for the purpose.
– Winston Churchill

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards ?
– Al Boliska

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
– P.J. O’Rourke

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Work is for people who don’t know how to play golf.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
– G. K. Chesterton

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
– Tiger Woods

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf – it’s almost a law.
– H. G. Wells

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