My worst day at golf still beats my best day at work.
Swing hard, in case you hit it!
My golf score seems to improve considerably when I have the score card.
I found Jesus on the golf course. Well at least I heard his name several times.
A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.
Golf is a nice relaxing way to get frustrated and super disappointed in yourself.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
– Hank Aaron
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
– Tiger Woods
Whoever said “Practice makes perfect” obviously never played golf.
I hold several records on the golf course, but they all pertain to beer.
Work is for people who don’t know how to play golf.
If you’ve forgotten what frustration is like, spend 10 minutes on a golf course.
I never found golf interesting, but then I learned that’s just where men go to let go of there anger.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Golf has produced a lot of millionaires…most of them are former billionaires.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
– Jimmy Demaret
The most important shot in golf is the next one.
– Ben Hogan
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
– George Deukmejian
A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are… that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.
I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.
– Muhammad Ali (When asked about his Golf game)
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
– Lee Trevino
If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot.
– Sam Snead
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
– Bob Hope
I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
– Ben Hogan
I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
– Gerald Ford
Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
– Paul Harvey
Golf is an unusual game. When you have a good day, you can’t wait to get back out there, and when you have a bad day, you can’t wait to get back out there.
I’d rather have my worst day on the golf course, than my best day at work.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
– G. K. Chesterton
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill- designed for the purpose.
– Winston Churchill
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex- wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
– Lee Trevino
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
– P.J. O’Rourke
Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
– Harry Vardon
Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play.
The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
– Ben Hogan
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards ?
– Al Boliska
He ain’t no tiger… He’s a cheetah.
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
– Phyllis Diller
You’ve just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.
– Sam Snead
I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.
– Rogers Hornsby
Early to bed, early to rise, golf all day & make up lies.
My most consistent and reliable shot is always the double at the 19th.
The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf – it’s almost a law.
– H. G. Wells
The size of the divot is directly proportional to the frustration felt.
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
– Jack Lemmon
The only two good balls I hit all day was when I stepped on a rake.
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf… And you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.
– Jack Benny
To golf or not to golf?? What a stupid question!
I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.
– Buddy Hackett
That ball came off the club face like a cotton ball.
I now consistently hit the fairways by aiming for the trees on both sides of the fairway.
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
– Billy Graham
Golf is flog backwards. And golfing is just one drawn- out self- flogging which costs you money.
You always know a bad golfer’s name. He’s always cursing at himself.
I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.
– Arnold Palmer
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
– Ted Ray
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
– Jim Bishop
Golf is horrifying, humiliating, and humbling, but I can’t wait to do it again.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea of how to play.
– Gary Player
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
– Dave Barry
Golf was invented by wives to get their husbands out of the house on cleaning day.
Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.
They named it GOLF because all the other Four- Letter words were taken.
We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.
– Bruce Lansky
That ball rolled like a dead rat in a corn field.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
The difference between a great golfer and an average golfer is not that a great golfer is incapable of hitting a poor shot, it is what he does after that shot.
His swing looks like he’s fighting off a swarm of bees
His putting stroke looks like he is trying to kick- start a Harley.
A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
– Dave Barry
Gone golfin’ … be back dark thirty.
If it goes right it’s a slice. If it goes left it’s a hook. If it goes straight it’s a miracle.
The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
– Mickey Mantle
It says something about the stupidity of a game where the lowest negative score wins.
That was the right club with the wrong guy swinging it.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
I really, really do not like golf, I simply just love it.
If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don’t ask him what he shot.
I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I’m really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.
– Ewan McGregor
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.