Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don’t ask him what he shot.

Gone golfin’ … be back dark thirty.

Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play.

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are… that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.

We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.
– Bruce Lansky

Golf is a nice relaxing way to get frustrated and super disappointed in yourself.

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea of how to play.
– Gary Player

I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I’m really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.
– Ewan McGregor

The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
– Mickey Mantle

The most important shot in golf is the next one.
– Ben Hogan

If it goes right it’s a slice. If it goes left it’s a hook. If it goes straight it’s a miracle.

That was the right club with the wrong guy swinging it.

The only two good balls I hit all day was when I stepped on a rake.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry

Work is for people who don’t know how to play golf.

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
– Jimmy Demaret

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
– Ted Ray

To golf or not to golf?? What a stupid question!

Whoever said “Practice makes perfect” obviously never played golf.

Early to bed, early to rise, golf all day & make up lies.

I don’t like your golf tips. I just came here to get flustered in order to cut on my weight.

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
– Tiger Woods

Golf is horrifying, humiliating, and humbling, but I can’t wait to do it again.


That ball rolled like a dead rat in a corn field.

That ball came off the club face like a cotton ball.

I really, really do not like golf, I simply just love it.

I now consistently hit the fairways by aiming for the trees on both sides of the fairway.

My most consistent and reliable shot is always the double at the 19th.

I’d rather have my worst day on the golf course, than my best day at work.

Golf is an unusual game. When you have a good day, you can’t wait to get back out there, and when you have a bad day, you can’t wait to get back out there.

My worst day at golf still beats my best day at work.

Golf has produced a lot of millionaires…most of them are former billionaires.

It says something about the stupidity of a game where the lowest negative score wins.

Golf is flog backwards. And golfing is just one drawn- out self- flogging which costs you money.

Golf was invented by wives to get their husbands out of the house on cleaning day.

If you’ve forgotten what frustration is like, spend 10 minutes on a golf course.

Golf, a sport for the poor admired by the rich.

He ain’t no tiger… He’s a cheetah.

His swing looks like he’s fighting off a swarm of bees
His putting stroke looks like he is trying to kick- start a Harley.

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