“I won’t have another drink my wife said if I am not home by 9 -45, my life is not worth living”. His friend said “what are you a man or a mouse”. He said “I am a man if I was a mouse the wife would be frightened of me”.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. – Phyllis Diller
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. – Helen Rowland
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. – Erma Bombeck
Today I celebrate 14 years of married life. I can’t remember breaking two mirrors.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it. – Helen Rowland
Marriage means commitment, so does insanity…
I now truly believe “happily married” is an oxymoron.
The four most important words in marriage are: “I’ll do the dishes”. Pierre & Marysa
A woman before marriage is your very best friend, after marriage she’s just a plain old’ dog.
They say marriage is life, they also say life ain’t fair.
A friend of mine once asked his wife, where she wanted to go for their anniversary. His wife said “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”..So… He took her to the kitchen.
Women marry for prosperity, development and security whereas men marry for enjoyment, destruction and insecurity.
Marriage is a sentence… A life sentence.
When a man goes down on his knees to ask a women to marry him, and she says yes, he remains on his knees forever.
Why dogs don’t get married? Because they are already leading a dog’s life.
If marriages are made in heaven… Then it’s obvious that someone up there doesn’t like us.
Marriage is an institution in which those who are out want to get in and those who are in want to get out.
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. – Rodney Dangerfield
The secret to a good marriage is… Divorce!!
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