Funny Marriage Quotes & Sayings | Married Life Comedy

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

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Husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
– Henny Youngman

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You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!
– Bill Maher

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Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.

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My hubby may wear the pants in our family but I control the zipper!

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My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me. :)

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Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either your money or life… Wives want both!

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A marriage license is a license which allows a woman to drive a man!
WHEN YOU SAY “I DO” , “YOU’RE DONE”!
A wife’s view point! “What’s “hers is hers”! And “What’s yours is hers also”!
Remember! If she ain’t happy, you ain’t happy either!
When I said, “I DO”! She said, “OH NO YOU DON’T”!
If my wife ran the world ,there wouldn’t be any wars… But there wouldn’t be any peace either!

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Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

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Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

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African proverb: He who marries a beautiful wife and he who plants corn by the roadside all have the same problem; insecurity.

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In our marriage everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, he wears. I shop, he pays!

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Marriage is just fancy word to adopt an over grown male child who is no more handled by his parents.

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When I married Ms Right, I didn’t know her first name was “Always” !

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The only time my wife is listening to me is when I’m saying do you want some money.

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Funniest contradicting phrases:
1.Clearly misunderstood
2.Exact estimate
3.Small crowd
4.Act naturally
5.Found missing
6.Fully empty
7.Happily married

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Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.

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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.

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