Be my guest and leave. You’re not stupid; you’re just not that smart.
You almost made me cry but then you left.
You: Go to hell! Me: See you there (: You: God. You’re so stupid! Me: I learned from the best.
Yes I missed you, but if you come closer my aim is about to get better. OMG, Did you feel that.. I think the world just revolved around me.. I guess you were wrong.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.
You are funny, you make everyone laugh except when you joke.
Go to hell! Okay, I will come to visit you
Are you sleeping? – No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. – Stephen Bishop
3 o’clock in the morning and your best friend calls You: HEY!! Dude I’m awake and super hyper!!! Me:… You: Dude, are you asleep? Me: No stupid, I’m skydiving. You:…
Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
“Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere” Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in 98 “Really?” Me: No
Person 1: Did you fall? Person 2: No, a bunch a kids wanted to play ping pong with my a**.
Person 1: Where are you going? Person 2: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought stupidity was contagious. Person 1: You’re right. I probably should go before I get it from you.
12 am call from a friend. Friend: Are you asleep? Me: Nope, I just like dancing at midnight while everyone is asleep.
My dad: “Is the only thing you can do is be an a$$?” My reply: “No, I come with sarcasm 3. 0.”
I’ll give you five seconds to find hell. – Sweetie, I’m already there (:
One thing I know is sarcasm is painful euphemism. Try not to be sarcastic when you are not, it’s just as difficult as walking with your nose. Sarcasm is a skill meant for a chosen few.
I was born in the dark but it wasn’t last night.
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