Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm Sayings

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
– Steven Wright

I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

Silence is golden.
duct tape is silver.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!

Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.

You go girl! And don’t come back.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.

Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!!

Police pulls over a speeding car ;
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
“Don’t make me hit you again!”
“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

Boy: “You’re not my type.”
Girl: “Why, cause I can read??”

Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business.

You’d be in good shape…if you ran as much as your mouth.

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane…

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

You: Go to Hell!
Me: See you there.

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Sure I’ll help you out…the same way you came in.

Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game.
Student: Are you playing too?