Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth like stupidity falls out of yours.
Please don’t interupt me when I’m ignoring you.
Someone asked me: Are your hair naturally red???
I replied: “No I soak my hair every night in the blood of my enemies”.
I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.
The trash will get picked up tomorrow, be ready.
Sarcasm: curing the world one insult at a time.
You are not useless because you can still be used as a bad example.
“Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere”
Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in 98
If stupidity was a profession then you’d be a billionaire.
You: Hey you just insult me?
Me: Wow did you just figure that out?
Are you sure this is your territory?
Don’t talk while I am interrupting!
You don’t like me.
Ohh sh*t, no way, I’m gonna die, I can’t live like this.
Just kidding !!!
Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?
When life shuts a door in your face. Open it. That’s how doors work. Right?
(How I advertised my gym)
If you are fat and ugly, just be ugly.
Your head is just there to keep your ears apart.
I was born in the dark but it wasn’t last night.
Don’t bother me. I’m trying to give a damn about what you just said.
Oh I’m sorry, were we supposed to dress stupid today?
Person 1: What are the papers saying today?
Me: I don’t know, haven’t talked to them yet.
I can see your lips moving but I don’t know why.
Person: Go to hell.
Me:I’m packing my bags, just promise me you won’t end up there.
Person 1: Did you just see that?!?!?!
Me: No, I wasn’t standing watching the whole time >_>.
Person 1: Whatcha reading?
Person 2: Words. Duh.
Sometimes some people need a high five.
On the head.
With a sledgehammer.
Your bae is suffering from low self-esteem, well, maybe that’s why she’s dating you.
Boy: Do you have any sense?
Girl: Ya, do you want some?
Talking to myself. Because who else will?
She: My love close your eyes and tell me what you see.
She: This is my life without you.
Me: Now close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Me: This is what I feel for you :d