Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. – Sam Levenson
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow. If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.
Dont love the one you love cause they may not love you in return , but love the one who loves you cause her heart is in your hands
I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.
‘In the begining, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and was widely considered as a bad move…” Douglas Adams
Statistics are overrated… 20% of people know that!
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting. Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow! – Sam Levenson
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself. I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!
45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.
I think those neighborhood signs that say ‘slow children playing’ are so very mean. – Zach Galifianakis
Some think way too much of their own worth. Just leave them to bask in the delusion of their own reflected glory.
It never rains on a dry day.
Where there is a will, there is a quarrel.
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