Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield

If he’s getting married, he’s not longer interesting.

I would be married, but I’d have no wife, I would be married to a single life.
– Charles Bukowski

Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
Mae West

Marriage is, above all else, the leading cause of divorce.

Submitted by: Chris

I never knew I had so many vices till I got married.

Submitted by: vikram

Kapil : How is your wife?
Shahrukh : An angel from heaven. And yours?
Kapil : Still Alive.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
Helen Rowland


My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield

A sense of humor is great – it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Chris Rock

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get in it, it ain’t so hot.

Submitted by: Claybuddy

I found another word for slave… Groom

Submitted by: lucas

Man : A snake is biting your wife. Do something.
Kapil : It ain’t biting. Its that the snakes venom has come to an end and not it is getting it recharged from my wife.

Kapil : If anything happens to me during operation, You get married to the doctor.
Wife: Why?
Kapil : It’s the only way to take a good revenge.

Salman Khan (Famous Bollywood actor unmarried even after 50) : Kapil when will I get married?
Kapil : Never, It is just happiness written in your fate.

Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It’s not the point of the thing, is it?
Garrison Keillor

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.
Helen Rowland

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield


I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

Mom: When I married you’re father I had to put all my dreams on wait.
Daughter: Really what was you’re dream.
Mom: To be single and childless.

Submitted by: berline joseph

A happy marriage is a balancing act between “Rocking” & “On the rocks”.

Submitted by: Santam

Are you a man or a mouse? I’m a man if I was a mouse the wife would be frightened of me.

Submitted by: George Valentine

Kapil : Wife is cute when she is mute
Wife : Husband is honey when gives money

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