“Why do you talk to yourself?” “Cos I like intelligent conversation.” So what do you want to do?…I dunno Well that helps a lot Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. Why did you commit such a crime like that? He asked “Would you rather us commit a crime a different way?”
You almost made me cry but then you left.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
Are you sleeping? – No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. – Stephen Bishop
You: Go to hell! Me: See you there (: You: God. You’re so stupid! Me: I learned from the best.
You are funny, you make everyone laugh except when you joke.
Go to hell! Okay, I will come to visit you
I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.
Yes I missed you, but if you come closer my aim is about to get better. OMG, Did you feel that.. I think the world just revolved around me.. I guess you were wrong.
“Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere” Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in 98 “Really?” Me: No
Person 1: Where are you going? Person 2: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought stupidity was contagious. Person 1: You’re right. I probably should go before I get it from you.
3 o’clock in the morning and your best friend calls You: HEY!! Dude I’m awake and super hyper!!! Me:… You: Dude, are you asleep? Me: No stupid, I’m skydiving. You:…
One thing I know is sarcasm is painful euphemism. Try not to be sarcastic when you are not, it’s just as difficult as walking with your nose. Sarcasm is a skill meant for a chosen few.
My dad: “Is the only thing you can do is be an a$$?” My reply: “No, I come with sarcasm 3. 0.”
Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
I’ll give you five seconds to find hell. – Sweetie, I’m already there (:
Person 1: I’m not in the mood to hear gibberish . Person 2 : Oh… I am ! What were you going to say ?
Person 1: Did you fall? Person 2: No, a bunch a kids wanted to play ping pong with my a**.
1st Person: Did you fall? 2nd Person: Of course not! I just attacked the floor.
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