Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 2

2

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Steven Wright

8

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

25

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo
16

Save the world. Destroy humans.

Submitted by: christina
4

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
5

Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.

Submitted by: nisha
8

If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson
7

I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!

Submitted by: Glen
3

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
4

Nothing but the future lies ahead.

Submitted by: Bud Black
6

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
5

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard
6

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!

Submitted by: Kathy Ashton
17

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith
9

The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.
- Abraham Lincoln

Submitted by: Tool.Tech
4

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl
4

An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.

Submitted by: Phil Sanchez
3

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? Nevermind, I’ll look it up tomorrow

Submitted by: chris harder
9

Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.

Submitted by: chris harder
8

I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
- Michael Scott

Submitted by: Brenna
6

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam
8

I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.

Submitted by: nam
3

Raisins that look like chocolate chips is the reason why I have trust issues.

Submitted by: Emily
8

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber
7

A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.

Submitted by: Matt

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