Garrison Keillor Quotes

American author, storyteller, humorist, and radio personality

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.
– Garrison Keillor

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Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
– Garrison Keillor

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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
– Garrison Keillor

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Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
– Garrison Keillor

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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
– Garrison Keillor

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It’s a shallow life that doesn’t give a person a few scars.
– Garrison Keillor

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Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
– Garrison Keillor

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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
– Garrison Keillor

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Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.
– Garrison Keillor

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You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
– Garrison Keillor

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Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
– Garrison Keillor

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I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
– Garrison Keillor

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God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.
– Garrison Keillor

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One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don’t read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
– Garrison Keillor

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Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
– Garrison Keillor

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Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It’s not the point of the thing, is it?
– Garrison Keillor

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Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold of it.
– Garrison Keillor

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If the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it’s no longer the United States of America as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them.
– Garrison Keillor

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I think the most un-American thing you can say is, “You can’t say that.”
– Garrison Keillor

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If you lived today as if it were your last, you’d buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn’t you?
– Garrison Keillor

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