Quotes by Mark Twain

It is easier to stay out than get out.
– Mark Twain

The Bible has noble poetry in it… And some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.
– Mark Twain

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.
– Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
– Mark Twain

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
– Mark Twain

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
– Mark Twain

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
– Mark Twain

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
– Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
– Mark Twain

If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go.
– Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
– Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
– Mark Twain

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
– Mark Twain

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.
– Mark Twain

I have never let schooling interfere with my education.
– Mark Twain

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
– Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
– Mark Twain

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
– Mark Twain

When in doubt, tell the truth.
– Mark Twain

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
– Mark Twain

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
– Mark Twain

Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
– Mark Twain

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
– Mark Twain

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
– Mark Twain

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
– Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
– Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
– Mark Twain

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
– Mark Twain

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
– Mark Twain

No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.
– Mark Twain

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