They say it’s always in the last place that you look OF COURSE! Why the heck would I keep looking after I already found it!
You don’t see it until its not there.
You can only get smarter by playing a smarter opponent.
The only difference between genius and stupidity, is that genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein
Those who say money can’t buy happiness are shopping at the wrong places!
I hate two faced people. It’s hard to decide which face to slap first.
I didn’t fail math. I just found a lot of ways not to do it
All people have a photographic memory, some just don’t have the film. I do, but it never develops quite right…
Problem free life never makes a strong person
Whether you’re first or last in the queue depends which way your looking
A candle is never diminished by lighting another candle
I started out with nothing… and I still have most of that!
I have 6 locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking locks, they are always locking 3. – Elayne Boosler.
If you aim at nothing, your accuracy will be immense.
If you believe that guns are the cause of murders and other crimes then pencils must be responsible for misspelled words.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Half of this planet is dieing of starvation and the other half is on a diet.
Why is it that when you pay someone a compliment they proceed to list their faults.
If at first you don’t succeed, try again until you bleed
To be old and wise, first you must be young and stupid .
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