Sandy really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status… After 3 it should default to “unstable”.
I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
Jolene understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
“My memory is so bad” “How bad is it” “How bad is what?”
Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!
Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Why can’t there be a get away from me button or stop poking me stalker button on Facebook…
Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.
I watch pom. I bet you read that wrong, didn’t you?
James is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
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