I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. – Joan Rivers
When women go wrong, men go right after them. – Mae West
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. – Groucho Marx
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire? – Rita Rudner
Men are nasty to each other and don’t mean it, Women are nice to each other and don’t mean it!
What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders. – Jerry Seinfeld
What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and they take the house when they leave.
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller
Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no- one likes to have to keep one. – W. C. Fields
The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised. – Freya Stark
I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA. – Some Woman
There are three ways to spread news: telegram, television, and tellawoman.
As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. – Oscar Wilde
What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman. – Lord Byron
Women are a language men will never understand.
From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 15 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away. – Raymond Chandler
The best years of a woman’s life – the ten years between 39 and 40.
Why do only 60% of women go to heaven…because if they all went it would be hell.
Going through the Alligator Alley and looking at these gators reminds me of my Ex. All mouths and no ears.
Men are from mars, women are from “Do I look fat in these?”.
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