Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

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Women: The only creatures who can make a simple task like getting ready take longer than a NASA launch countdown.

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Women: Believe in ‘less is more’ until it comes to their shoe collection.

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Communication through females is still much faster than emails!

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Scientists have discovered, how to use females tongues to produce electricity! Wow, silence and electricity both obtained simultaneously!

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Where would men be without women? Back in the garden of Eden.

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Just called the police on my girlfriend. She hasn’t committed a crime, I just want them to come and remind her she has the right to remain silent.

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The fastest-growing communication is tell-a-woman.

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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
– Phyllis Diller

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Fastest ways of communication, telephone, television, tell-a-woman.

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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
– Jerry Seinfeld

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I think the inventor of the mirror is a man who was tired of always being asked how do I look by his wife.

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I never knew what hard work was until I tried to please a woman.

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I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women.
– Louis C.K.

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Getting in an argument with a woman is like being arrested, because anything you say can and will be used against you.

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Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
– Chris Rock

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You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
– Chris Rock

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Women are like volcanoes. Both stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything. Then, there’s calm again.

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I’ll never understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.

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You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.

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When a woman says “do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.

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I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.
– Some Woman

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A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to wear. 2. No room for all the clothes.

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Of course women don’t look as busy as men. We do it right the first time!!!

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When a women says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

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You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other.
Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..

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A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes. :)

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Why are girls?

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Women are a strange breed.
They paint their lips;
Show off their inner-wear;
Flaunt their bodies;
Wear butt-hugging jeans;
And then they expect men to notice their emotions!

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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

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There is no doubt that all women are crazy. It’s just a matter of degree.

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Only two things can change a woman’s mind:

1. I love you.
2. 50 percent discount.

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A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!

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Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

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Someday they’re going to call me “M’am” without adding “You’re making a scene”.

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Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.
– Suze Orman

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Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.

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If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
– Robin Williams

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Women are suitable to be journalists, they never spend a minute quiet.

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Halloween is for dressing as something you’re not. That’s why most girls go as sexy.

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Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
– George Carlin

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When a woman has nothing left to argue, she will either ignore you, cry or remember that thing until she takes revenge on that.

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If for some reason I doubt that I’m wrong, all I need to do is ask a woman for verification.

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I’m a woman.. I’m smart. I never loose an argument. I can cook. I like to read fashion magazines. I love to be right. Men don’t understand us. We must have secret powers, because I don’t understand us, either.

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Men are nasty to each other and don’t mean it,
Women are nice to each other and don’t mean it!

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A wise man once said “I don’t know, ask a girl.”

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The male body has seven trillion nerves and only a woman knows “How to get on every single one of them?”

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“Women” – they have a way of complicating things.

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What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and they take the house when they leave.

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Women speak two languages. One of which is verbal.

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I don’t condone wife beating, but I understand it!

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