Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

Communication through females is still much faster than emails!

Scientists have discovered, how to use females tongues to produce electricity! Wow, silence and electricity both obtained simultaneously!

Where would men be without women? Back in the garden of Eden.

Just called the police on my girlfriend. She hasn’t committed a crime, I just want them to come and remind her she has the right to remain silent.

The fastest-growing communication is tell-a-woman.

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller

Fastest ways of communication, telephone, television, tell-a-woman.

What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
Jerry Seinfeld

I think the inventor of the mirror is a man who was tired of always being asked how do I look by his wife.

I never knew what hard work was until I tried to please a woman.

I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women.
Louis C.K.

Getting in an argument with a woman is like being arrested, because anything you say can and will be used against you.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Chris Rock

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Chris Rock

Women are like volcanoes. Both stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything. Then, there’s calm again.

I’ll never understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.

You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.

When a woman says “do whatever you want” do NOT do whatever you want.

I desperately want to go camping this summer. Preferably in a hotel. With a pool and a SPA.
– Some Woman

A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to wear. 2. No room for all the clothes.

Of course women don’t look as busy as men. We do it right the first time!!!

When a women says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other.
Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..

A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes. :)

Why are girls?

Women are a strange breed.
They paint their lips;
Show off their inner-wear;
Flaunt their bodies;
Wear butt-hugging jeans;
And then they expect men to notice their emotions!

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

There is no doubt that all women are crazy. It’s just a matter of degree.

Only two things can change a woman’s mind:

1. I love you.
2. 50 percent discount.

A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

Someday they’re going to call me “M’am” without adding “You’re making a scene”.

Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.
– Suze Orman

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
– Robin Williams

Women are suitable to be journalists, they never spend a minute quiet.

Halloween is for dressing as something you’re not. That’s why most girls go as sexy.

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin

When a woman has nothing left to argue, she will either ignore you, cry or remember that thing until she takes revenge on that.

If for some reason I doubt that I’m wrong, all I need to do is ask a woman for verification.

I’m a woman.. I’m smart. I never loose an argument. I can cook. I like to read fashion magazines. I love to be right. Men don’t understand us. We must have secret powers, because I don’t understand us, either.

Men are nasty to each other and don’t mean it,
Women are nice to each other and don’t mean it!

A wise man once said “I don’t know, ask a girl.”

The male body has seven trillion nerves and only a woman knows “How to get on every single one of them?”

“Women” – they have a way of complicating things.

What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan when they come and they take the house when they leave.

Women speak two languages. One of which is verbal.

I don’t condone wife beating, but I understand it!

I don’t need an encyclopedia, my wife knows everything.
99% of all women are beautiful. The remaining 1% is in my office.

Q: How to turn a fox into and elephant?
A: Marry her.

Copyright © 2006-2022 - Sayings and Quotes - All rights reserved. About Us | Blog | FAQ | Privacy Policy