Q: Dear Tons of Fun:

I’m a skinny minnie who wants to catch the obesity disease. Can you give me some weight gain tips?
A: Dear Skinny Minnie:

Eat eat a lot of junk food, and sit on the couch watching TV all day long every day. Eat just before you go to sleep is best!
You should also study Sumo Wrestlers, and emulate their habits.
You can do it!
Sincerely,
TONS OF FUN