Person 1: What do you think we should make for dinner? Person 2: Food.
Some one comes to your house. Them: Do you have a bathroom? You: No, we just go in the back yard!
I find it funny… But I have forgotten how to laugh.. Damn!
Person 1: Wow, I can’t play guitar as good as you do. Person 2: Really? Person 1: Yes, no matter how hard I try, I always play it better than you.
A guy asks “Do you think I’m straight?” My response: You’re as straight as a circle.
Sarcasm is just another free service I offer. No refunds.
How could I possibly refuse? No thank you.
How very observant of you there captain obvious.
Person: Hey you! Person #2: Me? Person: No, the person that’s not standing next to you!
Sorry, my fist meant to caress your face.
You: “Are you kidding me?” Me: “Yes, I’m serious”
How much do you charge to haunt a house?
Psychologist can’t fix stupid, apparently it’s not a disorder that is recognized.
Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here).
If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said…wait no, then I’d be in debt!
Person: Go to hell. Me:I’m packing my bags, just promise me you won’t end up there.
Person 1: Can you help me do my homework? Person 2: Sure, I can, why not. Person 1: Well?. Person 2: Just because I can, doesn’t mean I will.
Me (with sincerity): Do you know what I like most about you? You: No…what? Me: Absolutely Nothing.
Oh look?? I found your nose all up in. My damn business again!!!!
No sh*t Sherlock!
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