About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?” I reply “Check the oven”.
I ain’t sleeping. I am just looking into my eyelids.
Cashier: Hi can I help you? Me: No I just stood in line for 10 minutes to say hi.
I love parents’ way of saying you have got a point “Don’t talk back at me!!”
No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.
I was stopped by a policeman and his over excited sniffer dog the other day, my dog says you are on drugs, he said… I said, I’m not the one with a talking dog mate.
I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest =).
Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?
I asked God to punish me, next day I met you.
Some say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…I say…. Depends on where you live.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. I never repeat myself.
Person 1: Are you sleeping? Person 2: Oh yes, I’m always having conversations in my sleep…
Your head is just there to keep your ears apart.
Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?
Oh, I’m sorry. Were you under the impression that I value your opinion?
My Brother: Since when is silence smart? Me: Since you started talking…
Why are you late? The teacher asked… I guess its because I didn’t make it in time…replied the student
Sarcasm (because punching people in the face is illegal) <3.
So did you choose today to humiliate yourself in public?
Never judge a book by its cover but always by it’s price tag. If you want to throw your attitude I will be waiting with a baseball bat. At times the way you choose to ignore me, I feel God is still with me.
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