Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga on October 17, 2009

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

I may never get out of this world alive but I’ll die trying.

Submitted by: Ross Fowler on September 6, 2011

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson on August 6, 2013

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1 on January 11, 2011

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan on January 30, 2010

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.

Submitted by: KEVIN on October 9, 2011

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
Honoré de Balzac

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber on January 27, 2012

You never learn anything by doing it right.

In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
– cory taylor

Submitted by: Seth on February 24, 2008

Politics is the second oldest profession on earth and it has a striking resemblance to the first.

Submitted by: Ray on August 28, 2011

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick on April 5, 2013

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