Quotes by Steven Wright

88

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
– Steven Wright

74

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
– Steven Wright
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76

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright

7

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright

29

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
– Steven Wright

0

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright

5

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright

3

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
– Steven Wright

2

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
– Steven Wright

2

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
– Steven Wright

0

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
– Steven Wright

3

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
– Steven Wright

1

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
– Steven Wright

2

What is the speed of dark?
– Steven Wright

2

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
– Steven Wright

2

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
– Steven Wright

2

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self- help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
– Steven Wright

6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
– Steven Wright

5

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
– Steven Wright

2

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright

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17

Did you sleep well?
No, I made a couple of mistakes.
– Steven Wright

3

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
– Steven Wright

7

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
– Steven Wright

7

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright

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