Quotes by Steven Wright
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
- Steven Wright
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Steven Wright
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Steven Wright
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- Steven Wright
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self- help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- Steven Wright
What is the speed of dark?
- Steven Wright
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Steven Wright
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
- Steven Wright
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- Steven Wright
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Steven Wright
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- Steven Wright
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
- Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
- Steven Wright
Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright