Steven Wright Quotes

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
– Steven Wright

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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
– Steven Wright

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
– Steven Wright

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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright

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I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
– Steven Wright

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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright

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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
– Steven Wright

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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.
– Steven Wright

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Did you sleep well?
No, I made a couple of mistakes.
– Steven Wright

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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
– Steven Wright

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If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
– Steven Wright

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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
– Steven Wright

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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright

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When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
– Steven Wright

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Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
– Steven Wright

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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
– Steven Wright

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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
– Steven Wright

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I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
– Steven Wright

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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
– Steven Wright

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