Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
What exactly does pedantic mean?
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
– Benjamin Franklin
Why do psychics ask your name?
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.