Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

17

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
8

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl
13

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
27

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
14

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
39

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob
9

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
19

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
25

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer
14

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber
8

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

12

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
10

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

12

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

17

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
45

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena
10

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
9

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

5

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
11

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam
10

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D
8

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Submitted by: amy o
10

I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Submitted by: Bemard

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