Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

1

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: Everywhere is within walking distance if you...

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9

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
9

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber
21

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1
38

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob
8

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

27

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
5

There are two rules in life.
1. Never give out all of the information.

Witty Quote: There are two rules in life. 1....

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24

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer
7

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G
13

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow
12

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
7

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
10

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
6

An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.

Submitted by: Phil Sanchez
7

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
8

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
44

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena
30

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)
9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

9

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D
7

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
15

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T

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