Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

21

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1
7

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
11

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber
7

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
– Paul Newman

17

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
38

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob
9

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
27

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
9

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

25

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer
16

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
14

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
8

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
12

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
8

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

9

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
44

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

19

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
4

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary
16

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
45

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena
8

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl

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