Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

7

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
8

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
44

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)
10

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
9

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D
7

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
15

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

6

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright

28

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik
13

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick
83

When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”

Submitted by: Sin
54

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

Submitted by: Shorty
23

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul
7

That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!

Submitted by: AJ Johnson
7

I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.

Submitted by: nam
11

Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
10.

Submitted by: joseph
48

Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.

Submitted by: ice cream
8

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph
24

There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.

Submitted by: joshua michael levinson
6

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein

Submitted by: maria
10

I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Submitted by: roger garrett
11

You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.

Submitted by: Geraldine
24

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
10

When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.

Submitted by: Ashley Abrahams
7

The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
8

I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.

Submitted by: hoodyninja

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