Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
– Steven Wright
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
Top 10 reasons I procrastinate:
Newtons Law of Romance:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed,
It can only be changed from one girl friend to another.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
There’s nothing to fear. Except maybe that weird guy over there.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
– Albert Einstein
I used to get lost in the shuffle, but now I just shuffle along with the lost.
You only need a parachute if you’re skydiving twice.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
When life hands you lemons don’t be afraid to say “No thank you”.
The voices in my head were arguing over who would be me today.
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.