Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
- cory taylor
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
A lot of people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.
- John Alejandro King
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
Save a tree, eat a beaver…
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought; Where the heck is my ceiling?!
Looks are only skin deep but ugly goes right to the bone!
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
You may think the grass is greener on the other side, it may be because there’s more manure there!
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
If at first you don’t succeed, see what the loser gets.
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
Department of redundancy department.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
I don’t judge God does. I’m the one who makes your appointment.
Statistics are overrated…
20% of people know that!
I’m not superstitious, just stitious.
- Michael Scott
A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
Come to think of it, when *isn’t* it a good idea to go limp and play dead???
I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.
Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
It never rains on a dry day.
Procrastination? what does that word even mean anyways? I’ll look it up tomorrow.
Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)
45.65% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Save the world. Destroy humans.