Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
I lost 20 pounds but I’m sure I’ll find them at McDonald’s.
87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- W. C. Fields
Your ex asking if you can still be friends after a break- up is like a kidnapper telling you to keep in touch.
Why do psychics ask your name?
Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.
- Anuj Somany
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
I’m not bossy I just know what you should be doing.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright
When people ask me with a judging undertone just why it is i’m talking to myself, I answer them: “At least, this way, i’m sure that i’m talking to someone as intelligent as myself, which is as hard to find as a decent answer to that ridiculous question.”