Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.
What exactly does pedantic mean?
If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas
Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.
Why do psychics ask your name?
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)
87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
– Steven Wright
The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.
If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.
The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.
“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields
If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.