Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

9

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber
16

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
13

If dreams really come true, what about nightmares.

Submitted by: Dyoung shall grow
8

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith

8

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

21

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1
38

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob
12

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
10

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
7

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
27

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
24

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer
2

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Witty Quote: Everywhere is within walking distance if you...

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11

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
8

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

8

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G
33

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
44

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena
9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

7

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
15

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)
8

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

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