Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 4

7

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

8

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber
3

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter
16

What exactly does pedantic mean?

Submitted by: Happy spud
26

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga
38

Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob
9

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe
21

Whoever said the pen was mightier than the sword has obviously never met an automatic weapon.
By General Arthur MacDouglas

Submitted by: Guest1
4

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?

Submitted by: Akerele Oluranti Pourl
7

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

7

So who cares if I have imaginary friends I like them better than you.

Submitted by: M.M.G
24

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer
6

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill
12

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy
7

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom
5

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy everything else.

It is better to be rich & miserable than poor & miserable.

My ancestors didn’t fight their way to the top of the food chain so I could be a vegetarian.

Witty Quote: Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does...

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44

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena
22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan
1

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

Witty Quote: Three may keep a secret, if two...

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1

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
- Steven Wright

Witty Quote: Everywhere is within walking distance if you...

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7

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika
9

Optimism has no inhibitions based on past experience.

Submitted by: D
7

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ
21

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas
11

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)

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