Erma Bombeck Quotes

American humorist

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
– Erma Bombeck

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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
– Erma Bombeck

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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
– Erma Bombeck

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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
– Erma Bombeck

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When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
– Erma Bombeck

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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck

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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.
– Erma Bombeck

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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
– Erma Bombeck

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Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After 22 years of child-raising, they are unemployed.
– Erma Bombeck

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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
– Erma Bombeck

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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.
– Erma Bombeck

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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.
– Erma Bombeck

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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.
– Erma Bombeck

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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
– Erma Bombeck

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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren’t two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy’s permission, blessings, and money to survive.
– Erma Bombeck

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A child needs your love the most when he deserves it least.
– Erma Bombeck

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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
– Erma Bombeck

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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
– Erma Bombeck

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Laugh now, cry later.
– Erma Bombeck

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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
– Erma Bombeck

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