Robert Orben Quotes

American professional comedy writer.

Do your kids a favor – don’t have any.
– Robert Orben

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Quit worrying about your health. It’ll go away.
– Robert Orben

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Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
– Robert Orben

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The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
– Robert Orben

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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
– Robert Orben

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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.
– Robert Orben

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I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
– Robert Orben

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Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
– Robert Orben

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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
– Robert Orben

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If you can laugh together, you can work together.

– Robert Orbe

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A compliment is verbal sunshine
– Robert Orben

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I take my children everywhere. Unfortunately, they find a way home.
– Robert Orben

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A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
– Robert Orben

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Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
– Robert Orben

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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
– Robert Orben

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To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

– Robert Orben

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Never raise your hand to your children d it leaves your midsection unprotected.

– Robert Orben

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We have enough people who tell it like it is – now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
– Robert Orben

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Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn’t like it there’s no faking it.
– Robert Orben

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Time flies. It is up to you to be the navigator.
– Robert Orben

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Don’t smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much, or work too much. We’re all on the road to the grave – but there’s no reason to be in the passing lane.
– Robert Orben

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Live your life so that if someone says ‘Be yourself’ it’s good advice.
– Robert Orben

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Spring is God’s way of saying, “One more time!”
– Robert Orben

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