American professional comedy writer.
Do your kids a favor – don’t have any. – Robert Orben
Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! – Robert Orben
Quit worrying about your health. It’ll go away. – Robert Orben
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success. – Robert Orben
The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. – Robert Orben
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
– Robert Orbe
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success. – Robert Orben
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. – Robert Orben
A compliment is verbal sunshine – Robert Orben
I take my children everywhere. Unfortunately, they find a way home. – Robert Orben
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. – Robert Orben
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. – Robert Orben
Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success. – Robert Orben
To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
– Robert Orben
Time flies. It is up to you to be the navigator. – Robert Orben
Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn’t like it there’s no faking it. – Robert Orben
We have enough people who tell it like it is – now we could use a few who tell it like it can be. – Robert Orben
Live your life so that if someone says ‘Be yourself’ it’s good advice. – Robert Orben
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. – Robert Orben
Don’t smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much, or work too much. We’re all on the road to the grave – but there’s no reason to be in the passing lane. – Robert Orben
Spring is God’s way of saying, “One more time!” – Robert Orben
Never raise your hand to your children d it leaves your midsection unprotected.
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