I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
– Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
– Jeff Pesis
I had a life once… Now I have a computer and a modem.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Hard Drive: The part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
– Dave Barry
Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry.
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.
Human brain is a computer…the difference is that we don’t have any backup or restore.
Why are so many viruses aimed at windows ? It crashes just fine on its own thank you!
When all else fails, read the manual.
The computer is a product of the human mind. The computer does not perform without the control of the human mind.
– Dr T.P.Chia
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII – and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.
– Douglas Adams
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
DOS never says : EXCELLENT command or filename.
Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
– Edsger W. Dijkstra
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.
– John F. Kennedy
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
– Mitch Ratcliffe
A computer is like the union, it never works unless you spend money on it.
010011101
it’s not that we cannot explain ,
it’s just that you won’t understand it…
“Username or Password incorrect.” TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU SON OF A B*TCH.
Keyboard missing – press F3 to continue.
Those who say “If I can rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.” have obviously never seen a computer keyboard.
There are only two hard problems in computer science: cache invalidation and naming things.
– Phil Karlton
A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.
– Joseph Weizenbaum
That frustrating moment when you can’t remember your password.
In a world without borders, who needs Windows and Gates ?
Unix never says ‘please’.
– Rob Pike
I was asked to have a password of 8 characters, so I chose mine as “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs”.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
– Edsger W. Dijkstra
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
– Martin Fowler (refactoring: improving the design of existing code, 1999)
Now that nearly everyone has access to a computer, could we possibly be turning from the rat race to the mouse race?
I keep hitting the escape button on my keyboard but I’m still here.
Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living. – Nicholas Negroponte
There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer.
– J.H. Goldfuss
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…
Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
The pen might be mightier than the sword but the keyboard trumps them both.
If your password is your name, you deserve to be hacked.
I changed all my passwords to ‘incorrect’. So my computer just tells me when I forget.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. – Joseph Campbell
The inside of a computer is as dumb as hell but it goes like mad! – Richard Feynman
User: The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.”
– Dave Barry
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
I can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape – I don’t even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard.
After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.
– John Pierce
Congratulation! You are the 1000000th person to visit this site. To claim your reward press ctrl and w. Twice.
Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers.
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
– Pablo Picasso
Multitasking is crashing up several things at the same time…
History always tells a story…So make sure you clear it before your dad uses the PC!!
“I need some time to process this”, said a computer to another after a break-up.
We BYTE People…A BIT at a time
Giga bite me
An apply a day keeps Microsoft away.
Computers are perfect friends, they work with you when you work with them.
Computers are the ‘enzymes’ of culture; they greatly enhance the speed of human interaction in society.
I often fall asleep in front of my computer, and it accompanies me in sleep mode.
Once you touched the keyboard, you will never return until you finish what you started or what you wanted.
One of our big goals in search is to make search that really understands exactly what you want, understands everything in the world. As computer scientists, we call that artificial intelligence.
– Larry Page
People are starving in the world, not because we don’t have enough food, but because we’re not organized. And computers are part of that.
– Larry Page
Computing is kind of a mess. Your computer doesn’t know where you are. It doesn’t know what you’re doing. It doesn’t know what you know.
– Larry Page
My software has no bug. It develops random features.