Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

Remember- you can either be happy or RIGHT.

Submitted by: casey on July 27, 2009

I thought I was stupid until I got married, my stupidity was confirmed.

Submitted by: Toks on November 24, 2011

My husband wears the pants in my house… The ones I pick.

Submitted by: Danielle on August 5, 2011

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
– James Holt McGavran

You have two options in a marriage. You can either be happy or you can be right.

Submitted by: Brandon B on June 25, 2013
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Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose- colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!

Submitted by: Bob Bedford on November 28, 2010

Height of misunderstanding – A man marrying his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before.

Submitted by: prashant on September 23, 2011

Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.
Elbert Hubbard

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
Chris Rock

When ever you can afford to get married. Buy yourself a sports car.

Submitted by: Jet set on June 30, 2013

I don’t like the terms “housewife” and “homemaker” I’m prepared to be called “Domestic Goddess”.. It’s more descriptive.

Submitted by: shalala on May 28, 2011
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The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
– E. Joseph Cossman

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

Marriage is like a poker game. You start out with a pair. She shows a heart. He flashes a diamond. She gets a flush. And he ends up with a full house and a big pot!!

Submitted by: Ken Murray on May 6, 2013

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

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