Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

I haven’t spoken to my wife for many years. I love her so much that I don’t like to interrupt her.

Submitted by: Raj on April 27, 2012

Marriage is a union of give and take. He gives, She takes.

Submitted by: CRILLBO on August 24, 2010

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman

Love is blind, marriage is the eye- opener.

Why all married men go to heaven?
Because they cannot be in hell twice.

Submitted by: munaf on August 11, 2012

Husbands? Just two words: “Yes, dear.”

Submitted by: Nicole on May 20, 2010

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– G. K. Chesterton

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce

Married men live longer, but they are also more willing to die in more than one way!

Submitted by: Jack on July 7, 2013

The decision to stay unmarried is the beginning of wisdom.

Submitted by: Leo on September 14, 2011

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner


Bride, n. – A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is worse than prison. There is no parole for good behavior.

Submitted by: Ed on June 22, 2011

A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.

Think your wife doesn’t listen to a word you say? Try talking in your sleep!

Submitted by: Frank Nigel on June 21, 2011

Marriage is far more complicated than quantum physics.

Submitted by: William Mocca on January 11, 2011

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Groucho Marx

Marriage is a mutual misunderstanding.

Submitted by: Juknow on May 24, 2012

You have got to get married you just can’t go through life enjoying yourself.

Submitted by: George Valentine on March 30, 2012

Love is like a dream, but marriage is like an alarm clock!!!!!

Submitted by: Ralph ABK6 on September 21, 2010

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.


Marriage is grand. Divorce, 200 grand.

Submitted by: Mariano Munoz on January 8, 2013

Marriage is like a jacuzzi, it’s hot until you get used to it.

Submitted by: Just a girl on November 10, 2012

Chinese proverb: Marriage is like a besieged fortress: those on the outside want in, and those on the inside want out.

Submitted by: yuri on August 21, 2012

I married Miss Right. Didn’t know her first name was Always.

Submitted by: tushar on April 6, 2011

Marriage is like birds in a cage, those who are inside are struggling to get out and those who are outside are struggling to get in.

Submitted by: Samuel on August 9, 2011

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