Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Witty Quote: Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected...

Submitted by: Dylan on January 29, 2008
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Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.

Witty Quote: Man is the only living being who...

Submitted by: Sujit on January 6, 2011
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I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Witty Quote: I don’t have an attitude problem, you...

Submitted by: Sneaky on February 7, 2008
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There are three kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say “What happened?”.

Witty Quote: There are three kinds of people in...

Submitted by: smiley35 on August 23, 2009
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Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.

Sincerely, the opportunist.

Witty Quote: Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you...

Submitted by: Mark Cromo on March 27, 2013
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Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

Witty Quote: Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously...

Submitted by: jenny: on January 28, 2008
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I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.

Witty Quote: I live in my own world but...

Submitted by: Susanne on August 6, 2009
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Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Witty Quote: Evening news is where they begin with...

Submitted by: Shorty on September 27, 2009
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If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Witty Quote: If the grass is greener on the...

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo on August 4, 2009
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Witty Quote: For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never...

Submitted by: Doreen Deramo on August 4, 2009
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A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.

Witty Quote: A lie will make it around the...

Submitted by: Debra Ramey on April 12, 2010
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Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.

Witty Quote: Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking...

Submitted by: Nicole on December 30, 2009
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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
– Albert Einstein

Witty Quote: You do not really understand something unless...

Submitted by: Jake on June 21, 2010
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“As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say…i just watch what they do.”

Witty Quote: “As I grow older, I pay less...

Submitted by: Bertha on July 31, 2008
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129% of people exaggerate.

Witty Quote: 129% of people exaggerate.

Submitted by: Jenny A. on May 5, 2010
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