American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer.
Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience. – Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out. – Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. – Mark Twain
When in doubt, tell the truth. – Mark Twain
God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. – Mark Twain
Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. – Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn’t want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years. – Mark Twain
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. – Mark Twain
The Bible has noble poetry in it… And some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. – Mark Twain
If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go. – Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. – Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. – Mark Twain
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. – Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. – Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. – Mark Twain
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times. – Mark Twain
I have never let schooling interfere with my education. – Mark Twain
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything. – Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain
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