Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.

Submitted by: victor

Save the world. Destroy humans.’

Submitted by: christina

Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.

Submitted by: Ali D.

Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!

Submitted by: succor146

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Steven Wright

If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.

Submitted by: Naila Boo

They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…

Submitted by: robin

Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

If you pull enough strings, you’ll end up pulling ropes.

Submitted by: John Bennett Hartnett

Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)

Submitted by: Carl K. J
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If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.

Submitted by: Diana Fredriksson

If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

Submitted by: Keith

A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield

When you have wit of your own, it’s a pleasure to credit other people for theirs.
Criss Jami

I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.

Submitted by: IAmunknown

He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.

Submitted by: Gary

My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?

Submitted by: Deb Henry

East or West, Home is best
…”I see you’ve not been to North”

Submitted by: nyogz

Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.

Submitted by: krinolina

The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!

Submitted by: Mel
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So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.

Submitted by: Paul

It never rains on a dry day.

Submitted by: Tom

I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.

Submitted by: Dahlia v.

A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!

Submitted by: Tammy

I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.

Submitted by: H.E.T

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