Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor - Page 7
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
I used to be indecisive but now I’m not too sure.
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
Let’s just pretend I’m the Barbie you’ll never get to play with.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully.
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
An important rule of procrastination: do it today but remember that today will be today again tomorrow.
If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?
Note to self: Don’t forget to write that note to yourself.
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
That seems more of a your problem, than my problem!
I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.
A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
Cigarrette Warning: Government is dangerous to your health!
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
I’m busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.
Why do they call it common sense if it’s so rare?
I used to think that money was the root of all evil until I wanted to commit a robbery when I was broke.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.