Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
What exactly does pedantic mean?
Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.
Why do psychics ask your name?
Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.
When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.
The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.
Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.
Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.
If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.
If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…
I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith