Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T

It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

You never learn anything by doing it right.

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The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

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Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith

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