Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And some we want to leave footprints on their face.

Submitted by: Amber

It was raining cats and dogs and there were poodles in the street.

Submitted by: James Hepple

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

When you’re working in the hive, you have but two choices. To bee, or not to bee.

Submitted by: Paul

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face!
You (calmly): It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.

Submitted by: UB313

You never learn anything by doing it right.

The other day at radio shack a manager was giving out dead batteries FREE OF CHARGE.

Submitted by: Ali
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If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph

Quickest way to get on your feet… miss a car payment.

Submitted by: Darell Hill

Not being able to sleep at night is a real eye opener.

Submitted by: tina trotter

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self- criticism.

My imaginary friend thinks YOU have problems…

Submitted by: Torii :)

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith

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