Witty Quotes, Sayings with verbal humor
There is no such thing as lousy weather. Just lousy clothing.
Save the world. Destroy humans.’
Canada gave America Justin Bieber. America gave Canada the first nuclear wasteland.
Let’s agree that some days we are the pain and some days the a**!
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
– Steven Wright
If life gives you lemons. Eat carrots.
They say you should never look back, so I focused on what was in front of me. Little did I know… A car was coming…
Person 1: That lady looks really interesting.
Person 2: She looks like her daddy.
If you pull enough strings, you’ll end up pulling ropes.
Did you just call me pedantic?
(Please say there are people who get this one =P!!)
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing tomorrow.
If a job’s worth doing it’s worth leaving to mommy.
If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
– Rodney Dangerfield
When you have wit of your own, it’s a pleasure to credit other people for theirs.
— Criss Jami
I’m sorry, did that hurt? I thought that there was a gnat on your cheek.
He was a modest man, with much to be modest about.
My Friend doesn’t want Monday to come. I was thinking I could put the word out and see if any of the other days might do a double…Sunday, you Free?
East or West, Home is best
…”I see you’ve not been to North”
Wisdom rules untill force goes crazy.
The grass may be greener on the other side…but someone has to mow it!
So I’m at that place where they gun you down as death sentence. I think it was in Texas or someplace near. Well, I’m about to be killed and the officer in charge is coming up to tell the gunners to hold their fire because I am innocent. You would not believe my luck. At that exact moment, a house nearby catches fire and a woman yells out the window, “Fire!”.
It never rains on a dry day.
I can’t walk a mile in your shoes. They’re too small.
A good man is hard to find, but a hard man is better!
I was once told I can do anything as long as I believe in myself.
I wanted to fly so I jumped off a building…. It didn’t work.